The Shopping
I sit down in the lounge with my new purchases, nothing exciting, a couple of printer cartridges, some staples, a set of highlighters and a roll of sticky tape, all in a brown paper bag. I start rummaging through. Seamus notices and trots over. He sits squarely in front of me, watching with interest.
“Can I have that?”
I look at the printer cartridge I have just taken out. “Why do you want a printer cartridge Seamus? It’s no good as a toy.”
“No, not that. That” His nose and slightly droopy ear tips triangulate on the bag of stationary.
“No you can’t have staples. They’re dangerous.”
“No Silly, not those. That.”
The purchases are now in a small heap on the settee and Seamus is pointing at the paper bag in my hand.
Ahh…. Got it.
I crinkle the bag slightly and it makes an intriguing, rustling sound. The triangulated ears twitch and Seamus’ rump shifts.
“Would you like this, totally ace and cool, brown paper bag?”
Seamus smiles and wags his tail. “Yes please.”
I make another small crunchy sound with the brown paper, then offer it to him. Seamus reaches forward and takes the bag, ever so daintily, from me with his front teeth, and then carries it in triumph, held aloft, out into the back garden. He settles on the lawn with his prize and starts to nibble it into minute pieces.
An hour later the bag has been processed into compost and I sweep it under a shrub where it can rot into the soil.
Tissues
I arrive home from work. Seamus has lived with me for about a month. It is bright warm sunshine; a lovely day, and I left the back door open to the garden to give the dogs chance to enjoy the fresh air while I was out. Parking up the car, as I walk to the door, Albert pops his head over the wall from next door, grinning broadly. “Someone’s been having fun.”
I pause. “Sorry? I’m not with you….”
The grin broadens. “You’ll see.”
Perplexed, I unlock the kitchen door and step in.
My immediate impression is of a snowstorm in my kitchen and I stop in my tracks for a moment, nonplussed, then take a deep breath and walk through to the lounge.
The snow theme continues. The carpet, the furniture, every shelf and surface is covered in…. what????
In the centre of the maelstrom Seamus stands, laughing up at me – four legs planted firmly akimbo, tail up and wagging hugely. He barks excitedly, bouncing with enthusiasm and pleasure. “Haven’t I done well!”
I finally plug my eyes into Planet Seamus. The ‘snow’ is hundreds and hundreds of tiny shredded pieces of tissue. A Kleenex box lies upside down on the floor, empty of all contents, cardboard semi‑chewed.
Continuing through the lounge and out of the back door, the garden is also extensively decorated in the blizzard theme. Albert leans over the back gate. “He’s had such fun you know. He kept bringing them out one tissue at a time then throwing them in the air. He caught them as they came down, shredded each one in mid-air and scattered the bits around the garden.”
Torn between laughter and annoyance, “I thought we were supposed to be friends Albert. You didn’t think to stop him?”
“He was having such a good time. I didn’t like to……”